Well recently I took out some clutter of my life. Clutter that I never assumed would be stress in my life. Ok lets get personal. I suffer from PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) I have had it since 2002. Well long story short I have dealt with the anxiety in my life WAY TOO LONG!!! There were seasons in that time frame where God was so good to me and I would have long stretches of good days with the occasional gut wrenching worried filled days usually surrounded by having to stay alone. Fast forward to the year 2010. Well I started to have physical symptoms to my stress. BOO. And I started to notice them getting worse and worse. It was like this nasty cycle I was on I would feel a symptom stress out about it and then eventually over a few days feel better have a couple good days and then have another symptom. It got to the point I started to wonder if something was REALLY wrong with me and maybe I needed to go to the doctor about it. I was telling my bible study/accountability group about this and saying how I should just suck it up and go in and talk to a doc about it.
Well before I had the chance to make the appointment ( me really just procrastinating it) I had the worst feeling symptom just the other day. Enough to scare the crud right out of me. I called my mom (also my nurse) and made appointment to see a doctor. Because this was WAY more than anxiety it HAD to be. I called my dear friend afterwards to pray with and finally just decided I need to go talk it over with someone. So I talked and talked and talked. She listened. Good friend I tell ya. I came to the conclusion that I had some clutter in my life that I needed to be DONE with. And I felt a power of God come over me and reassuring that COMPLETELY. I went to my appointment broke down to my mom in the office about it. ( my poor mother. Please buy her chocolate and coffee if you see her. She deserves it!!) I had an excellent conversation with the Doctor and walked out of that office DONE with it!! Well I was sure that all this excitement was going to probably cause another attack but I felt different, well a little.
I got up the next day got on my computer to opened up my Beth Moore blog and began to read. ( I am doing a memory verse challenge) She talked about claiming your verse. And at one point made you recite your 1st memory verse. Mine:
1 John 4:18- There is no fear in love. Perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made in perfect love.
And then she said, "now say your second verse to yourself." Mine again:
Galatians 5:1- It for freedom that Christ has set you free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
You see, I picked these verses thinking, hmm these will be good ones, but I never truly understood claiming them and what that meant. Well I claimed them. And I can i tell you last night after I put my sweet boy to bed. I snuggled on the couch with my hubby and realized how at PEACE I was. I mean I can't remember the last time I was not worrying about this or what should I do for this or will I have a good day or bad day tomorrow. I mean, I was just at PEACE. And it was a peace that lasted through the night. I had the best sleep in a LONG while. Woke up feeling that I had some thanking to do.
I am sure that I will have more battles to come but now i feel like I can at least stand and battle!!! Why?? Because I visited the JESUS SPA and yes I feel refreshed and I feel this refreshment will last more than an hour and it was FREE!! Oh and I plan on returning to this spa on a regular basis. I discovered there is nothing sweeter than your time with your savior. And I love my SAVIOR!! So let me leave you with this verse that Francis Chan reminded me about in the Crazy Love Book.
Jesus said, "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33
With Christ in my corner.....COME AT ME BRO!! (hehe) Love ya all and thanks for letting me share a more personal blog than the usual Ashton updates.
